Monday, September 29, 2008

stress and stress and stress and friends

my father is having heart surgery tomorrow...

this is his third one, so he knows what it is like and all of that. the thing is he is super stressed about this one. he has convinced himself that he is high risk even though the doctor who is performing the operation has said he is not.

he and my mom have been married for over 49 years ( sept 12 was their anniversary) and they are very close. met in college, married after they graduated, wrote love letters when they went to two different colleges their junior and senior year, and so on.....

they have been not really speaking because of how bad the stress is on my dad. i have been that one between them for weeks now, and it has really been wearing on me.

last night, while waiting to leave for the movies (which was not the best choice by the way...good movie, but with my dad going in for surgery tomorrow, seeing ghost town last night not, such a good way to fuel my already overly emotionally state) i sat at the upstairs computer and was going to play a little text twist. when the screen came back from screen saver, there in front of me was my dad's obituary.

that was one of the most awful feelings i have ever had. i have only lost one close family member, my grandmother, and that was 8 years ago.

i have lost friends, very close ones, but it cannot come close to the awful feeling i had when i saw my dad's obit....gut wrenching does not even begin to come close.

but, i have these amazing people in my life who have been there for me so unconditionally, i cannot begin to express my gratitude to them for their friendship that asks nothing but gives me such support at this time...

there is so much more i wanted to add to this, but i have had it opened and pecked at it all throughout the day, that i need not only to put this to bed, but myself (and i started this about 1pm today and it is now 2 am)


Saturday, September 27, 2008

bakey bakey fall sessions!!!

so i love to love love.....

part of how i got the nickname muffin is because of my baking skillz, and yes it is spelled with a z because they are that amazing, or so i am told..normally i am not a big ego person, but when it comes to certain foods, yeah i know i got talent, yo...just representing for myself 'cause if i don't then who will? don't hate the playa, hate the baked goods the playa produces...

ok, so enough of that.....yesterday i had to bake a little something for my juju's bake sale at school, so i decided on my favorite banana bread.
unfortunately for me, i had no ripe bananas on hand, so bought four of them and when i got home, i went to town....and i am going to share this recipe with anyone who is willing to read my drivel

mind you, i try to make everything using all organic ingredients, so i won't bother saying organic in every piece, just know it is organic

four really ripe bananas, the blacker the bedder (teehee) MASHED, sometimes it is nice to have them clumpy, other times I use a ricer to get them like baby food for a nice smooth bread

1 egg

1/4 cup melted butter

a generous splash of apple juice (about a 1/4 cup to half, but only use 1/4 in the wet, and use more later if too sticky)

1 1/2 cup flour

1 cup sugar (sometimes i use half sugar half honey or something along those lines, also if you love apple, you can use some apple sauce in place of the sugar...)

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

cinnamon to personal taste (depending on time of year I love more in fall and winter and just a little in summer)

If you like, you can use nuts or dried fruit as well, but again depending on time of year I either add tons or nothing!

mix the wet together, being careful the butter is not hot as it can cook the egg if added when it is too hot or too fast...drizzle it in slowly to warm the wet...

sift together the flours, sugar, salt, baking soda and cinnamon. add slowly to the wet, mixing well and not adding too much to create the flour crop dusting of me and my counter!

heat the oven to 350 degrees F...

grease a bread pan (I use the 9x5 usually, or I think that is the size) with your choice, I use butter, but pam or what have you will work well

once the mix is well incoperated and smooth, if you notice it seems a bit sticky, or really think, add spalsh of apple juice to thin it a careful, you don't want it runny, but a nice smooth thick is fine

Now if when you would add any dried fruits or nuts.....sometimes I sprinkle the top with brown sugar or a granola mix

bake for 65 mins....once you take it out check it with a tooth pick in the middle...if it comes out clean, it is done...if not put it in another 5 mins and recheck

sometimes it is fun to eperiment with things in these breads, like using coconut flour in place of a bit of the flour, using whole wheat, using apple cider instead of juice...whatever...this is your bread to have fun with!

I love baking them and giving them to friends randomly just to see their face light up when they know what they are getting, one of muffin's surprise filled 'nana breads!!!!

Friday, September 26, 2008

sometimes it's hard to focus...

it has been a while for me and blogging...i used to blog a lot, you know LJ for many years, then a bit on blogger here, then vox...

i realized i was living so much of my life on blog that i was living to blog....

i had some major life changes and decided to go out and live and not feel the need to make everything about posting, or remember to post, or what have you.

lately i have felt the urge to go back into my blog and thought that maybe making a new one to signify the fresh start may be a good thing. it is a pretty crazy train of thought rationalizing about whether to blog or not to blog.

my father is getting ready for heart surgery come tuesday and it has been really hard on us, my mom and myself. they are not really speaking or if they are, it is curt and short.

mind you, they love each other, they have been married for 49 years this past september and it is not that. it is the sheer amount of stress my dad is having with the surgery (his third open heart) and he convinced himself he is high risk, when his doctor's (some of the best heart guys on the east coast) tell him he is not.

my lil business on the web is rolling along fine. i would love to be able to stock more in it, but i am getting there slowly.

i applied to the bust craftacular in december, and while I would not sell the sublime patterns since jenny has a booth there every year, I would love a chance to get my stitch markers and onesies and Mr T chocolate lollipops out there to a main stream market.

well, who knows...i am not counting on getting in as i go to the craftacular and i don't think i am nearly as cool or funky as those vendors i buy from, but a girl can dream big!