stress and stress and stress and friends

my father is having heart surgery tomorrow...

this is his third one, so he knows what it is like and all of that. the thing is he is super stressed about this one. he has convinced himself that he is high risk even though the doctor who is performing the operation has said he is not.

he and my mom have been married for over 49 years ( sept 12 was their anniversary) and they are very close. met in college, married after they graduated, wrote love letters when they went to two different colleges their junior and senior year, and so on.....

they have been not really speaking because of how bad the stress is on my dad. i have been that one between them for weeks now, and it has really been wearing on me.

last night, while waiting to leave for the movies (which was not the best choice by the way...good movie, but with my dad going in for surgery tomorrow, seeing ghost town last night not, such a good way to fuel my already overly emotionally state) i sat at the upstairs computer and was going to play a little text twist. when the screen came back from screen saver, there in front of me was my dad's obituary.

that was one of the most awful feelings i have ever had. i have only lost one close family member, my grandmother, and that was 8 years ago.


i have lost friends, very close ones, but it cannot come close to the awful feeling i had when i saw my dad's obit....gut wrenching does not even begin to come close.

but, i have these amazing people in my life who have been there for me so unconditionally, i cannot begin to express my gratitude to them for their friendship that asks nothing but gives me such support at this time...

there is so much more i wanted to add to this, but i have had it opened and pecked at it all throughout the day, that i need not only to put this to bed, but myself (and i started this about 1pm today and it is now 2 am)

goodnight...